(written for The Wise Mother—Sept 20, 2002)
I love my belly. When I was a girl I loved to fill it
with liquid and listen to it jiggle and giggle. Even as a teenager, I loved
my “pooch” because I had a wise mother who taught me that “Women store a
little fat in their belly to protect their wombs. It shows that you’re
getting ready to be a mother someday. It will keep your babies warm and
safe.” So when my friends were complaining about sit-ups not working and
taking diet pills, I just smiled at my little tummy, content that it wasn’t
a flaw at all. Safe in my blue jeans was a protected vessel, ready to fill
up with possibilities when the time was right.
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Years later I married and became pregnant. I was
healthy and happy. After 12 weeks of grey-green mornings, I began to glow.
And soon after, my beautiful belly began to grow. My co-workers noticed it,
my parents commented on it. My husband reveled in it. One day I caught my
reflection as I walked past a floor-to-ceiling window. I was wearing a
peach sweater and looking particularly full, and I suddenly thought, I look
like a fruit! When I was thirteen they said I was “blossoming” and now I
was ripening on the vine. I felt like a garden, walking around. It wasn’t
all radiance and happy days—my growing belly itched as the skin stretched,
and some days the walks to and from campus made my legs ache. But then I
would come home, and sit with my belly, talking to my baby, singing to her.
When I gave birth, I was surprised how much I longed to have her back inside
me.
A few years later, as I tried to conceive my second
child, I was shocked at how few pictures of my first pregnancy we had, and
how . . . flat they seemed. I wanted more of a record with my second
pregnancy. I made my dubious husband take pictures of my belly, stretch
marks and all. Then I heard about belly casting. To make a plaster
sculpture of my belly seemed like the perfect homage to my journey through
pregnancy and birth. I was surprised as I did some research. It wasn’t as
difficult as it sounded. Birthing From Within, one of my favorite
birth books, had easy-to-follow instructions. I bought the supplies and
coached my husband through the casting.
I ended up making two casts of that pregnancy, one of
my torso at 6 months, and one of my belly the night before she was born. I
decorated them and gave one to the Birth and Family Place birth center,
saving the other for my bedroom. It stands on my wall, reminding me of the
journey I’m on, a woman and her belly.